Winter is usually my favorite time of year, but this season feels different.
I’ve been caught in a cycle of feeling lost and empty, tired and unsure. It’s like I’ve been going through the motions of life – work, school, getting everything done, but not really getting anything accomplished. I’ve also been hit with a few inconveniences, packages that haven’t made it to my door, a speeding ticket, a lost debit card, etc. It’s been kind of hard to get back on track, mostly mentally and spiritually. When I don’t feel well internally, it absolutely reflects my physical and external life. I’ve been moody, short tempered, and impatient – the poorer qualities of myself.
But feeling like this has also made me look at my life from a different view. I’ve been questioning where I am and what I’m doing with it, because I haven’t felt great. Not terrible, either, but just okay.
I’ve been trying to find ways to pull myself out of this emptiness. I’ve been going to the gym again, and I feel more determined to work out for both the physical and mental upkeep. (Although my sweet tooth cravings are a beast that cannot be tamed!) I finally built a new desk and set up my PC, something that’s been on my list of things to do ever since I moved into this apartment.
I’ve finally had a couple of weekends and days off to myself (as opposed to having to go home for events), which always end up being dedicated to ~getting things done. However, I’ve been trying to make sure I relax a little in between to just enjoy myself and not think about what I should be doing instead. Definitely easier said than done, but I’m trying.
I’m on a little hiccup in this journey, but I’m still going. I’m still learning, and I’m still trying.