Maybe one day I’ll be able to start my posts without referring to how long it’s been since I’ve last written… However, today is not that day. It’s been almost two months since I’ve written last, and a lot has changed in society.
The COVID-19 corona virus has taken over the globe, and is still ravishing the U.S. It’s led to school and business closures, and extreme social distancing through self-quarantine and stay at home orders. As a result, I’ve been laid off with few places to go, and school is now online. Life has truly been different for the past month.
It’s hard to explain what it’s like. Being trapped at home sounds fine on paper, but it’s much harder. Of course, it’s fun to watch TV, relax, and engage in different hobbies. However, there does come a point of mental duress. Sometimes I feel down on myself because I’m unproductive, I haven’t worked out enough, I’m letting myself waste away. I get anxious thinking about finance and wondering what work and career will look like post quarantine. Is it back to the restaurants, or post-grad media work? Am I doing enough to be a good candidate with a masters? Are places even going to be hiring? Is there a place for me?
It’s easy to get into a downward thought spiral and I’ve been actively trying to keep myself at bay. I’m trying to get dressed and ready some days, work out or do yoga, take a walk outside, and partake in different hobbies. I’ve rekindled the flames of my inner weeb into a blazing fire. I’ve been watching things, new and old, and it feels like falling in love all over again. And I’ve expressed my love via TikTok– the other savior of quarantine.
In many ways I’ve done more for myself than I have in a long time. I’ve painted, sketched, sewn, embroidered, cooked, cleaned, wrote, read. I’m also taking this time to try and awaken my spiritual self more. I often feel like I can always be doing more, but sometimes I also must recognize that where I am is okay. So many people are in the same boat, or worse off.
I’m still trying to find a happy normal – a mix of doing “productive” things, and things for myself, not thinking too hard about anything – and not feeling guilty about any of It. I have an extra appreciation for the things I miss, and I hope to maintain some of my quarantine hobbies going forward. I don’t know when this will all be over. I don’t know what life will be like when it is. But I know I’m going to handle it.