I like writing blogs here as a monthly check in. I try to check in with myself weekly in my journal too, but it isn’t always easy to “reflect” on things when you’re still experiencing them. My vision for this site may change in future, but for now I like that it’s a quiet and safe space for me to just write.
Truthfully, March has been kind of what I expected it to be – a period of transition, uncertainty, and possibility. The contract with my last job ended at the beginning of the month, so of course that made me really uneasy. The 2-3 weeks that followed was a combination of anxiety, worry, and stress, self-deprecating thoughts of lacking value, drive, talent, and reminding myself over and over again that I was allowed to enjoy some time off without feeling guilty. Everything will fall into place and I’ll figure it out soon enough. I don’t need to find the answer to everything in one day.
Since being funemployed I’ve binge watched anime, read more, worked out more, and felt more inspired and excited to be creative while applying to jobs inbetween. After a couple weeks without work, I started doing freelance and have shoots scheduled for at least the next month.This freelance kind of life is definitely new to me. I still have to figure out how finances work with the respective production company I’ve been hired by and set aside a percentage for taxes.
I thought about what my biggest goals are this year and the one staring me in the face, is of course going to Korea for a couple of months. I’m determined to make it happen this year (aiming for the end of summer or fall time), and right now my goal is to find a remote job that I would be able to maintain overseas. I am well aware I would need to work overnights because of the time difference, but I am willing to make that sacrifice. I’m taking a Korean language course right now and have been enjoying it so much. I can’t be sure that I’ll love Korea as much as I think I would, but that’s why I have to go. I’m really looking forward to exploring the country, immersing myself in the culture, and making videos about it.
It’s been over a month since I’ve last posted a video on my YouTube channel, and although I’m a little disappointed, I’m not punishing myself. I just have to get back up and into it. I’m pre-planning and scheduling content to go live in April. Honestly, I think working freelance the way I am right now will actually be better for my channel. I foresee it freeing up a little more space in my weeks to work on creating them, which would really help with the work/life/passion project/resting balance.
I’ll be seeing BTS in Las Vegas next month and I can barely contain myself. I know I’m seeing them soon, and it makes me so excited about life. I’m inspired to be creative, make content, and connect with new people. I can’t rely on BTS to give me that feeling forever, but I am grateful for it now as I’m climbing out of a slump. I expect next month’s post to be very BTS centric…
Until then,
nilanda xo