I closed out January by spending last weekend in New York to celebrate my birthday. I turned 31, and sometimes I’m still shocked. How can I be 31 when I still don’t know a damn thing about life or how to properly navigate it?
But alas, that’s just a part of life, isn’t it? If there’s anything I’ve learned so far it’s that there are no true age milestones. I think in this day and age of hustle culture and too much social media, it’s easy to compare yourself to others and feel behind on life, that you should have done X earlier. Those thoughts creep into my brain several times a day… but I’ve had to train the other voice in my head, the one that tells me I’m the only one that matters, that I’m doing things in my own time, that I don’t need to feel jealous or down, to be 10x louder and 100x more frequent. And I’ve come to really understand that a person can feel lost, alone, and heartbroken at any age. I’m grateful for the way getting older has changed my perspective on life. I guess that’s what some would call the ‘wisdom’ that comes with age.
I want to take a moment and reflect on what a great time I had in New York. I spent four days in the city, and I really felt like I was able to just relax a little, mentally. I met up with some new friends – people I had met only within the last 2 years or so, and the way I just click with them was so lovely. I don’t always feel like I have “my people” around me where I currently live, but I know that they exist and I know I can make good, strong, friendships, no matter where I go.
Overall I got to indulge in food, drink, and karaoke with some of my closest friends – what could be better than that?
As I get older, I’ve become more grateful for the times I spend with my friends and family. I don’t see or talk to my friends nearly as often as I did 5 years ago. People’s lives and interests change. People grow apart, and move away. And that’s okay. That’s just what life does to us. So I am genuinely so grateful for the people who take the time to spend with me and make me feel extra loved on occasions like my birthday.
I used to harbor a lot of insecurity in my relationships especially around my birthday because I share it with several of my close friends. I loved sharing it because I knew that my friends would always be excited and come through to celebrate, but not necessarily because they were there for ME, but because of others and I got to reap the benefit of being in the group of shared birthdays. I don’t know why I had that paranoia for so long, especially considering there were several occasions over the years where friends had reached out to me personally to take me out and treat me. Maybe it just took the wisdom of time to tame the severity of that insecurity.
And now what? I’m fighting other kinds of insecurities and overwhelming thoughts as I roll into February.